Stop Talking About Gay Incest

A few weekends ago I watched From Beginning to End for the first time. It’s a Brazilian drama about two brothers who grow up close – and get even closer as adults after their mother dies…

I know what you’re thinking: gross. It’s actually such a cute movie! Ya’ll don’t even know.

I thought about it – and I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s actually nothing really wrong with gay incest. If it’s two consenting adults, right? It’s not like any children would come of the relationship, which is the public policy concern at play with straight incestuous couples (developmentally delayed children whose life opportunities are limited because of their parents genetic similarity, they become wards of the state, etc.).

I’ve been talking about the movie a lot with my friends. I run in some fairly libertarian circles, but even they got pretty uncomfortable with it. I didn’t really clue into how much I was going on about the movie until a friend of mine more or less yelled “STOP TALKING ABOUT GAY INCEST!” in the library the other day. (Everyone looked at us and then we left the building.)

I guess I should really stop talking about gay incest…

The Break Up

I broke up with Jake nearly 2 weeks ago. Then I bought myself an iPhone to celebrate. Go me!

It’s a Sad Gay Life

Planning a surprise birthday party is often stressful, especially when you’re involved in multiple nonprofits, work part time, and are a full time student.

Being unhappy in your relationship is also often stressful, especially when you’re running ragged for most of the week.

Let’s combine the two, shall we?

Being unhappy in your relationship and planning your boyfriend’s surprise birthday party – with his best friend – now that’s sheer torture.

Jake called me out last week. He sent me a text and asked if I even wanted to be a in a relationship. Party planning was well underway, so I asked if we could postpone the conversation. He sent me another text today, asking if we could talk after class. The party is this Friday, so I only need to stall until then…

Help?

A September State of Affairs

I’m in a relationship with a 28-year-old clingy man-boy. We met as interns at the City of Austin. I told myself “why not?”. Why not, indeed. His name is Jake.

There is a space of 3-5 weeks between the start of classes and when you get your first marks back. It’s a terrible time. You simply don’t know if you’re doing anything right.

Work is fine. My hours are a bit wonky, but that’s the nature of research, right? I hope Analise (my boss) hasn’t noticed too much yet… She probably has. *sigh*

Gifts and Gift-Giving

It was my birthday two weeks ago. My sister gave me a card with $40 in it. I considered keeping the $40, then going to buy a gift card at Victoria’s Secret or something and using that as her birthday present. I have poor self control, so I spent it all on lunch over two days.

I’ve never really understood giving gifts. When I was a kid, I would think about the economics of Christmas. How it doesn’t really make sense to give gifts, because theoretically you’re just moving around the wealth with no net wealth creation. You’ll get your mom a book worth $40, and she’ll give you a toy which cost the same. There is little to no net change.

Now, this isn’t always true. Say, the book was actually worth $20 and the toy actually $45. In reality, only a fraction of the cost is recovered by one of the parties. Here we run into things we can’t easily quantify – things like sentimentality and generosity which are the stuff of relationships. You absorb the loss because you care – and in your mind, it’s the thought that counts.

Full Circle

Today I came out to my parents. I did it over the phone, and from the other side of the country. Cowardice at its purest, or so says my best friend Jose. To be honest, I don’t care much. I will be the first to admit that I succumbed to cowardice. I attach neither positive nor negative value to my chosen method.

From coming out to myself, to coming out to my parents – it’s taken eight months. I’m glad the process has finally come full circle. A sense of closure is a particular pleasure of mine.

My mother asked if I was sure, then said she was stunned.

My father said that I knew the bible’s perspective on such things. When I said that there are many perspectives on what the bible says, he responded that those are mere human perspectives. My father’s elevation of his point of view as being tantamount to God’s represents an impenetrable sort of hubris. Cosmic humor at it’s finest. He framed it all as a choice, etc.

Even I was startled by the depth of my own indifference to it all. To my choice in methods, to my parents, to all the men I’ve been with – to everything. All I feel is numb.

Five Days Sick

I have been sick for five days. I have missed as many days of work as I have actually worked. In short: I feel pathetic.

What really makes me feel pathetic is the thought of me last night, thinking that I’d recovered, tucking into a box of Tim Tams (these incredible unhealthy, chocolatey ‘biscuits’ from Australia). I almost instantly felt worse. I woke up this morning and my voice was gone again.

A Related Ending which Lacks a Positive Sign of Effort.

R.E.L.A.P.S.E.

 

 

New House, New Job

The Saturday before last I moved in with my sister and her boyfriend in their new condo. The building itself is relatively small, with about ten units per floor, and three floors. We’re on the third floor. It fronts onto an intersection with a daycare, a strip mall, and a park on the other street corners.

The building is fairly new, but poorly designed in many respects. Chief among these is the fact that in the lobby there is only an elevator, with the stairs being on the opposite ends of the building. Further, it is also entirely unclear which among the dumpsters out front is for cardboard and which is for garbage. I am of half a mind to join the condominium board… As much as I would rant and rave about the small-scale, omnipotent drama of such things – I would love it.

I remember when we first came the see the place: we were shown around by a man who I would assume to be the owner, what with the way he would swagger down the hall. He is a latino man of medium height and build, with a sort of elvis-like hairdo, and a ridiculous belt buckle (even by Texas standards) which drew attention to his crotch (he seemed fairly well endowed). There was something greasily sexualized about him. I wanted to fuck him, though I would almost certainly regret it afterwards and proceed to take multiple showers, in rapid succession.

—

I started my new job on Monday! I’m interning with the Austin city government’s transportation department. My supervisor is starting me off show by having me read transportation planning documents. I’m in heaven.

We spent the day yesterday at a health & safety expo for police and emergency personnel… It was brutally boring, but a necessary part of the job. Outreach is key.

Our unit manager is a total gem. He’s energetic, motivated, and approachable – so, the best sort of manager I could ask for.

Richard is an engineer who works on the same floor. He is stocky, with this incredible beard, and these fabulous, leopard-print-like glasses. He is so obviously gay, and so attractive I just might die having to see him around all the time. I suppose I’ll have to just carry on…

Having to call in sick today, and being so disappointed as a result, suggests to me that I just might have found my calling, though only time will tell.

Terry Hill

 

I Sound Ghastly

I went to bed last night (at 5:00 pm) feeling unwell – a general fatigue plus a sore throat. After twelve hours of sleep I woke up (at 5:30 am) with my throat persistently sore – and I sound ghastly, absolutely GHASTLY! It’s horrible. My quality of life is suffering as a result.

I’ll have to call in sick today. I do love my job, so this is doubly unfortunate.

However, me being the eternal optimist that I am I thought I would take this opportunity to update the blogosphere on my life as of May 8th, 2014. Over the next few hours I’ll be typing away…

Terry Hill

My Big Sister

Yesterday, I told my older sister that I’m gay. I had called to talk about moving, as we’re moving in together at the end of the week… It was a bit off-the-cuff, but the timing just felt right. She was shocked [and still is], but she said that she loves me and wishes could have been there for me. She promised not to tell my parents

I had wanted to tell Shawna for years. I got so close, so many times. I’m glad I worked up the courage to just go for it. She seemed slightly offended that I told our Grandma and Aunt Tannis before her, but she’ll get over it I’m sure.

I made sure to assure my big sister than I do not find her boyfriend at all attractive, so he’s all hers [we’re all moving in together]. I’m not sure if she was offended or relieved. 

The day prior, I talked to my roomie-bestfriend Jose about when I would tell her. I was planning on it within the next two weeks. When I texted Jose about telling Shawna he replied “When you said 2 weeks, I said to myself “tomorrow.” That guy knows me too well.

Shawna and I are going for coffee later today to talk about things more.